The moment a little one starts to leave nappies behind is often as eagerly awaited as it is dreaded.
For many families, toilet training arrives just before another big milestone: starting school. And that's when the rushing, the doubts and, sometimes, the pressure begin.
I often call it, because that's how I lived it and I know many families do too, the summer of terror 😱 (September is coming and your child still isn't dry: panic).
Fear and rushing, when the key is to support this process with respect and without forcing it 💛 so that boys and girls can take this step safely, calmly and naturally.
Because supporting toilet training is much more than taking off the nappy: it's creating an environment where a little one can connect with their own sensations, experiment without fear of getting it wrong, and gradually gain real autonomy 🏆.
📑 In this article
🌱 What is toilet training in early childhood?
When we talk about toilet training (gaining bladder and bowel control), we mean a child's ability to recognise that they need a wee or a poo 🚽, hold it for as long as needed and go to the toilet to do it. It's a physical, cognitive and emotional process that doesn't happen overnight ⏳.
Some people ask what toilet training is as if it were something you teach 📚, but in reality it's something that is acquired, like walking or talking 🚶♂️. And like everything that is acquired naturally, it needs time, neurological maturity and a lot of support.
Every child has their own pace 🐢🐇, but generally speaking, between the ages of 2 and 4 is when they start to show signs that they're ready to begin this process (I recommend reading our earlier post “Gentle nappy removal”).
🛠️ How to prepare your little one for toilet training before school
When the school stage arrives (and in most cases schools warn families that children can't come in nappies 🚫, a clear sign that, although they say they respect children's own pace, it isn't true), toilet training causes anxiety and, often, inappropriate and unnecessary pressure on little ones, who are not to blame for having to go without a nappy.
That's why the ideal is to start early and without pressure, watching for signs of readiness and building small routines that help them gain confidence and autonomy.
💡 Create toilet routines at times similar to the school day
A good strategy is to set up toilet routines that resemble the ones they'll have at school. For example:
- On waking 🌅, take off the night-time nappy, encourage them to go to the toilet, get them dressed and go for a walk to the park 🛷. That way they'll start to link waking up with going to the toilet, getting dressed, having breakfast and leaving the house.
- When you get back from the park, while washing hands 👐, ask again whether they need the toilet (this can match the time when boys and girls go out to play and have a wee).
- After lunch 🍽️ and/or before a nap 💤, so they gradually get used to this new routine as something normal.
🗣️ Encourage them to tell you when they need the toilet
Encouraging them to say when they need a wee or a poo, even while they're still in nappies, is an important first step. If they're listened to and validated, they'll gain confidence in recognising their body's signals and communicating them:
“I can see your nappy is dirty. If you tell me before you do a wee or a poo, we can go to the toilet and do it there.”
👕 Practise taking clothes off and putting them on independently
One of the big difficulties when starting school is that there isn't always someone who can help them in time. That's why it's important to practise with clothes that are easy to pull up and down (ideally without buttons or zips) and encourage them to do it themselves so they get quicker at it.
At this stage it can also help to choose barefoot shoes that give them independence without compromising their natural development or causing frustration when they need to put their shoes on and take them off at school.
I remember my children learnt a huge amount about dressing and undressing from fancy dress costumes 🎭. They adored them, so they were changing clothes all day long.
📚 Use stories and games to prepare for school and the toilet
Pretend play and stories are great allies for preparing children for new situations. We can tell stories about boys and girls who stop wearing nappies, who go to the toilet at home and at school, and then carry on playing. This helps them anticipate, normalise and understand the process.
🧩 Steps to follow
There's no magic recipe, but there are some steps that can make the process easier:
- Wait until your child shows signs of readiness 🕵️♀️ (interest, nappy staying dry for longer, discomfort when wet, etc.).
- Leave off the daytime nappy when they seem ready, and only at times when you're all relaxed and not in a hurry 🕊️.
- Offer comfortable clothes they can pull up and down without help, but also leave them without clothes for a while, so they can see what wee and poo are like, and we have the chance to encourage them to tell us next time.
- Don't scold or ridicule them if there are accidents ❌; respond with empathy and treat it as normal 💕.
- Make the toilet part of the daily routine 🛁, without pressure, and keep their toilet seat reducer with step, their potty and their nappies there, so the bathroom gradually becomes the usual place for wees and poos.
- Encourage open, positive conversation 💬 about the body and its needs.
Image by Laura Estremera ❤️
🎒 Why do we worry about toilet training before school?
Schools' expectations 🏫
Most schools in Spain ask for pupils to come without nappies because changing nappies isn't one of the teachers' duties and, with more than 20 children, it's (I think we'll all agree) a little bit mad. However, it shouldn't be a compulsory requirement, because every child develops at a different pace.
The normal, logical and expected thing is that a school, which should be committed to helping pupils reach their learning goals and milestones at their own pace, supports children so that, if they haven't got there yet, they can wear a nappy. Many schools make this possible and have TEIs (Spanish early years education technicians) for support.
Other schools don't have this support, but talk to families to explain the situation (“we'd like to respect your children's own pace, but we can't because we don't have enough staff”) and so get the backing of parents who join the school's parents' association (AMPA), paying a fee, to hire support staff, file complaints with the provincial education authority or wherever necessary and, in short, look for and fight for dignified solutions for children.
So, as far as possible, it's a good idea to talk to the school in advance, find out how they work, explain if necessary where your little one is in the process and look for support and adjustments if needed.
Families' fears: accidents and settling in 😟
One of the most common worries is that your little one will have accidents at school, have a hard time or feel embarrassed. It's worth letting them know, both at home and at school, that wetting or soiling themselves is normal, that it's part of learning and that they shouldn't experience it as a failure; that they can relax, because nobody is going to be cross.
Why school shouldn't be a source of pressure ⛔
Starting school is an important moment, but it shouldn't become a race to get rid of the nappy in a hurry. Pressure tends to cause more setbacks than progress.
In fact, some little ones start to have mild, moderate or severe constipation (depending on each case), and that pressure adds to a very complex time in which they have to separate from their family to spend months with children they don't know, teaching staff they don't yet trust, in a new place. All of that at just 2 or 3 years old, and often without a gentle settling-in period to ease the move from home to school.
That's why the ideal is for your little one to arrive feeling secure, not under pressure. With patience, trust and emotional support ❤️, toilet training comes. And if it doesn't come in time for school, that's fine: every process that is respected leaves a positive mark for life 🌟.
