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What is the settling-in period in early years education?
In just a few days, thousands of boys and girls all over Spain will be starting school 🏫, and their families will be finding out how the famous “settling-in period” works at their school. It is a period designed to support little ones through the move from home to school.
This time is known as the settling-in period (in Spain, the “periodo de adaptación”), and it is that special (and sometimes challenging) time children go through when they start nursery or go to a childminder, or when they begin school in the second stage of early years education (ages 3 to 6).
It is the process that allows them to gradually make a new environment their own, with unfamiliar people, different routines and without the constant presence of mum, dad or their attachment figures.
It is a time for little ones to learn to feel safe at their new school and to discover that school is a great place to go to learn and play, not a place where they get “left behind”. In other words, when we come to pick them up, they should be telling us that they want to stay a little longer, rather than going along with it because they have no other choice (or even dreading Mondays, when they are far too young for that).
Settling in to nursery: why does it matter?
To many adults, starting nursery or “big school” may seem like a simple thing. There are even people (still far too many) who have come to see it as normal for little ones to cry and cry “until they get used to it”. As well as being unfair, this approach is risky, because the child’s bond with school is at stake.
When it is handled badly, starting school can bring about sadness, fear, confusion and even anger, not only in the children but also in the family, who are leaving their little treasure in the hands of other people and are longing to be able to trust the teacher and the school.
When it is handled well, family bonds are protected, a relationship of authority and trust with the teacher is built, and the emotional foundations for the whole school year are laid. It is simply a matter of putting the child’s curiosity and initiative at the centre, so that they feel they are not being pushed to stay, but have a wonderful opportunity to enjoy the space and the company.
Stages of the settling-in period in early years education
1) Preparation and partnership with the family
Before enrolment is finalised, the school should explain to families how its settling-in plan works, setting out why it matters to get it right and entrusting an important part of it to the families, since it simply will not work without their active involvement.
In a well-designed settling-in period, families are invited to stay with their child in the classroom for the first 8 to 10 days (this can be the mother, the father or another familiar, safe person in the child’s life). That way, families can plan ahead and understand that their presence is vital, because the aim is for the little one to feel confident at all times.
2) A shared welcome: the family comes into the classroom
The classroom is set up so that there is a specific space for families inside the room, clearly marked (for example, with a line on the floor) and close to the door. The adults sit there and do not cross that boundary: this way the child can decide when to go off and play and when to come back to “their safe base”. This simple measure puts the decisions and the pace of separation in the child’s hands.
At the same time, the environment is carefully prepared: furniture arranged without barriers so the children can move around and be seen easily; simple, appealing materials within their reach that they can use without adult help; and, of course, avoiding having a single, much-wanted object that sparks conflict between the children (for example, just one toy car).
The teacher is the only adult in the children’s area. She stays in one place, sitting low down, calm and available, without “chasing” any child or trying to win them over in a hurry. She is the one they can ask for help, because the mums and dads are in the adults’ area, sitting down (even reading a book, with mobile phones off-limits).
The teacher is a kind, predictable presence for the little ones: anyone who wants to approach her knows where to find her. If a child does not yet feel confident, they can choose not to. Because she is sitting at their level, the teacher conveys a sense of safety and any feeling of threat from being with a stranger is reduced.
3) Exploring, then coming back
What usually happens is that the more outgoing children explore the classroom right from the start, and may even interact openly with the teacher. Others, who are more wary, prefer to spend one or several days in the shelter of their adult, watching and “taking ownership” of the place with their eyes before they move.
Many will go back and forth constantly. They might pick up a toy and run back to their adult. It is a good idea to agree with the children that toys cannot cross into the families’ area. This means many of them sit right by the line, with the toy, facing their trusted adult.
Others behave like a piece of elastic: they move away for a while, play with something and come back close to mum (or dad, or grandad…) for a little while to top up on security, before heading off again.
All of these behaviours are normal, as everything depends on each child’s temperament and confidence. Families need to understand that, whether their child is moving away or coming back, they are making progress in settling in: they dare to explore and come back for a hug, checking that their safe person is still there. Little by little they will explore more and come back less, as their confidence grows.
How long does settling in at nursery take?
There is no set number. As a rough guide, in most cases 8 to 10 days of a family member being present in the classroom is usually enough. After that, the time the adults spend in the classroom is gradually reduced. Some parents stop being present before the 8 days are up. Others, a little later.
What matters is not “getting it over with quickly”, but being clear about the goal: protecting the child’s bond with their family and with school while they become part of a new place and new routines.
It cannot be right that society is so full of talk about “human rights”, “protecting children” or “the best interests of the child”, and then, in schools (places of EDUCATION), carries out practices that would be unthinkable for any adult in any workplace: imagine the fear and suffering of a child who feels abandoned at school, and try to think what kind of situation you would have to be in at a new job to feel anything like it.
Tips to help your child settle in at school
Set aside days and choose who will stay with them. If you can, save some holiday, personal days or adjust your working hours so you can have those 8 to 10 days at the start (the nursery or school will tell you how many settling-in days they usually plan). It can be the mother, the father or a much-loved person (grandma, an uncle…) who helps them feel calm.
Tell them the truth in simple words. “We’re going to a school with other children and a very kind teacher. I’ll stay with you for a few days.”
Bring a comfort object. If they have one, such as a comforter, a muslin or a soft toy, pop it in their backpack. They will not need it at first, but it may come in handy once you are no longer in the classroom. If they do not have one, an item of clothing that smells of you can be a great emotional help.
A clear, unhurried arrival ritual. Go in, go to the families’ area, sit down and watch. When they want to, let them explore; when they come back, welcome them. The teacher will guide you on what to do next.
Work together with the teacher. When the teacher sees that your little one is ready, she will encourage you to pop to the toilet for a moment, letting your child know. To do this, you will leave your things on the chair and tell them you are going to the grown-ups’ toilet and will be right back. It is an absence of a couple of minutes, to see how your little one responds.
If it goes well, the teacher will agree a slightly longer absence with you: “Sweetheart, I’m going to the car, I’ve finished my book and I’ve got another one in the car. I’ll be right back.” This absence will last about five or ten minutes. Again, the aim is to see how the little one responds. If they cope well with this too, the next absence will be longer.
These separations do not have to happen on the same day. It will depend on each child. The longer absence would be something like: “Sweetheart, I need to go to the bakery and buy some tomatoes, otherwise we won’t have anything for lunch. When I get back, I’ll pick you up and we’ll go home and make lunch.” This time, the adult will be away for around half an hour, leaving the adult’s chair empty. On returning with the shopping, the mother (father or family member) will take their little one home, just as they explained.
If that has also gone well, it is likely that the next day nobody will need to stay, because if they can stay for half an hour with confidence, they will most likely be fine for longer. It shows that the little one now trusts the teacher and feels safe in that space.
Look after their rest and their body. The first days are tiring: go for naps, gentle routines and familiar food. Avoid late nights.
Comfortable clothes and shoes that help them be independent. They should be able to pull their trousers up and down if they need the toilet, move freely so they feel secure, and their shoes should be comfortable and easy to clean.
Acknowledge your own emotions. It is normal for you to feel stirred up too: nerves, doubts, wanting to cry. All the more so if your own start at school was not the one you would have wished for. Supporting your child does not mean “not feeling”. It means feeling and, even so, holding steady.
What if they cry?
In the days that follow, they may cry when it is time to separate. After all, don’t we adults sometimes say “I don’t want to go to work today”? They may cry because they don’t want to go that day, because something happened at school or because they have decided they would rather stay at home and play.
Or, most likely, because they don’t like saying goodbye, so they cry for a little while and then, once in the classroom, they quickly join in and have a whale of a time. In fact, some little ones go in crying and then, when you come to pick them up, you practically have to drag them away because they don’t want to leave.
What matters is what we do with those tears: be there, name what they feel, offer a cuddle if they ask for one, give them time and stick to the plan. When the environment is well thought out, and the settling-in period has been planned around each child’s own pace, the crying eases as time goes by and is gradually replaced by play and curiosity.
In short
A good settling-in period does not “toughen up” children, nor is it about waiting for the little one to give in. A good settling-in period takes care of them and does not force them to “get used to it”; instead, it gives them reasons to trust and to want to go to school. I’ll say it again. I insist. We need to make sure that the boy or girl wants to go to school. And that when you come to pick them up, they don’t want to leave. If not, something is not being done right.
If all of us together (schools, families and society as a whole; it would make perfect sense to have days of leave in the year your child starts school so you can see the settling-in period through) put relationships at the centre, the start of the school year stops being a bitter pill and becomes a safe bridge to everything they are going to discover and learn.
