“Help me to do it myself.” — Maria Montessori✨
I'm sure you've heard it a thousand times: " I can do it myself! " 🙋 It's one of the classic childhood cries, along with " It's mine! " 🧸 or " Mom! " ❤️
That moment when your son or daughter is going to get dressed, put on their shoes, decides that they are going to eat without help; 🍴 or that they are going to pour their own water, because they know (believe) they can.
It's the beginning of their childhood autonomy , and the start of that time when you think, "Lord, take me away" 😅 or, a little less fateful, "Lord, let this time pass quickly" 🙏. And it's true; if you let them do it, you'll be cultivating their autonomy and your patience, but at the same time, you'll notice how the seed of anxiety that lives in your chest sprouts from time to time.
If you've ever felt a mix of tenderness and impatience watching your little one struggle to pull up their sock, to press the elevator button when it's clear they can't reach it, or watching them eat by picking up food with one hand, putting it on the spoon, bringing it to their mouth, and then dropping it again, this post is for you 🤔.
What is child autonomy and why is it important?
Children's autonomy is the ability they gradually develop to do things for themselves , make decisions, learn from their mistakes, and take care of themselves to the extent appropriate for their age. This can range from choosing their clothes (rain boots on a 34-degree sunny day, or shorts on a cold, stormy morning) to trying to eat with a spoon.
And they may seem like trivial things, but in reality it goes much further, because it has to do with the ability to feel capable and safe participating in decisions that directly affect their life and well-being.
So, it's not as simple as "letting them do it," but rather letting them know and feel that we trust them . 🤝 Because when a child feels capable, that we trust them because they are competent, magic happens. They learn to solve problems, to make mistakes without fear, and to ask for help when they need it. In short, their personal autonomy is built, and their overall development is nurtured because we are telling them: I trust you, I know you can do it, and I'm here if you need me.
The “Me alone!” moment: needs behind independence
When your little one surprises you one day (usually around age 2) with the phrase, "I can do it myself!", they're making a powerful declaration of independence. Behind it lies no rebellion or whim, they're not challenging you; it's a vital need: to explore the world through their own experience 🔬.
They want to put on their Fierce sneakers by themselves, even if they end up putting them on backwards. They want to eat their yogurt by themselves, even if half of it ends up spread between their t-shirt and the table. They want to get in the car by themselves and put on their harness by themselves (this response would be good here: “I understand you want to do it by yourself. Go ahead, and then I’ll put it on correctly for you ”—safety is non-negotiable).
As we talked about the other day, they have to try, make mistakes, and get frustrated if they don't succeed. They have to look for new solutions, make new attempts, and make mistakes again. Until they finally succeed and feel incredibly proud 🥳.
"Children should be able to conduct their own experiments and investigations. Adults can guide them by offering suitable materials, but the essential thing is that, for a child to understand something, they must construct it for themselves." — Jean Piaget
And all of this is a wonderful learning process that we must accompany with patience, love, and humor 🥰. Yes, humor too. Because when they say they're dressed and you see they look like a Picasso painting, you're going to laugh (but please, don't let them see you do it, don't let them feel you're laughing at their effort or the result). Laugh inwardly, take a picture that will become a funny story , and take it that way, because otherwise, you risk giving up 😂.
How to foster children's autonomy without getting frustrated
Autonomy isn't taught, it's fostered. Here are some key points:
- 👕 Offer simple options: Provide comfortable clothing that they can easily put on and take off. Easy-to-put-on shoes. This is where Zapato Feroz's philosophy of respectful footwear makes perfect sense: they are closed shoes designed so that children can put them on by themselves, fostering confidence and independence. Also, keep their cups and cutlery, water, napkins, and even a cloth to clean up crumbs from the table within easy reach.
- 📅 Create visual routines: Through photos, drawings or routine charts, you can organize the days so they know what to do, and when, without depending on adults.
- ⏳ Offer time: Haste makes waste. If they need five more minutes to put on their coat, give them those five minutes. If one day you don't have them, be tactful and validate their feelings: “Sweetie, I know you want to put on your jacket by yourself. And I love that. However, we're running late. I'll tie it for you today, but we'll try to leave earlier so you can do it yourself every day.” Will they cry and complain even if you say this? Yes, very likely. But at least you'll be able to leave quickly, arrive on time, and you won't have been disrespectful.
- 🧼 Embrace the mess: Learning involves getting dirty, making mistakes, and trying again. It's part of the process, and that's how we should understand it. You live with a human puppy. It would be worrying if it didn't make a mess…
- 🤗 Ask for help when needed: Autonomy doesn't mean always doing everything alone. It also means learning to say, " I can't, can you help me? " And approaching others with kindness and patience to lend a hand and offer guidance.
And something fundamental: don't correct them immediately . Accompanying them is neither about leaving them alone nor about doing things for them. It's about being present, available, observing, and intervening when they ask for help or when you truly feel they need it.
Benefits of childhood autonomy
When we support the development of children's autonomy without putting pressure on them, the benefits multiply:
- 💪 Greater self-esteem and self-confidence.
- 🎯 Improved development of fine and gross motor skills .
- 🧠 Greater decision-making ability, conflict resolution skills, and greater patience, which is a wonderful preparation for life.
- 🤯 Better relationship with error .
- ❤️ More respectful and empathetic bonds at home.
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Accompany autonomy with patience and respect
The “I can do it myself!” attitude can be a challenge for families, but above all, it’s a gift 🎁. It’s children’s way of showing us they’re growing, that they feel capable, and that they want to try. Our role is to be there to support them with patience, empathy, and trust 👨👩👧👦.
"Never do for a child anything he is capable of doing for himself." — Rudolf Dreikurs
In this way, independence doesn't become a battle, but an opportunity to grow together. Because there's nothing more beautiful than seeing our little ones discover what they're capable of, knowing that we'll always be there to support them if they stumble 💪. 
Armando Bastida - Pediatric Nurse
