The moment when a little one starts to stop using diapers is often as eagerly awaited as it is dreaded.
For many families, children's toilet training comes just before another major milestone: starting school.
And that's when the rush, the doubts, and sometimes the pressure arise.
I often call it, because I experienced it that way and I know many families did too, the summer of terror 😱 (September is coming and your child who can't control it: fear).
Fear and haste, when the key is to accompany this process with respect and without forcing 💛 so that boys and girls can take this step safely, calmly and naturally.
Supporting potty training is much more than just removing the diaper: it's about creating an environment where a child can connect with their sensations , experiment without fear of failure, and gradually achieve real autonomy 🏆.
🌱 What is toilet training in childhood?
When we talk about sphincter control we are referring to the child's ability to identify the need to pee or poop 🚽💨, retain it for the necessary time and go to the bathroom to do so.
It is a physical, cognitive and emotional process that does not happen overnight ⏳.
Some people wonder what toilet training is as if it were something that is taught 📚, but in reality it is something that is acquired , like walking or talking 🚶♂️🗣.
And like everything that is acquired naturally, it needs time, neurological maturation and a lot of support.
Every child has their own pace 🐢🐇, but generally, between the ages of 2 and 4, they begin to show signs that they are ready to start this process (os I recommend reading the previous post "Respectful diaper removal" ).
🛠️ How to prepare your little one for potty training before school
Toilet training when children start school, where in most cases families are warned that they cannot wear diapers 🚫🩲 (a clear sign that, although they say they respect the rhythms of the children, it is not true), causes nervousness and, often, inappropriate and unnecessary pressure on the little ones, who are not to blame for having to go without diapers.
Therefore, the ideal is to start with time and without pressure , observing signs of readiness and facilitating small routines that help them gain confidence and autonomy.
💡 Create bathroom routines at times similar to school schedules
A good strategy is to establish bathing routines that may resemble those they will have when they go to school.
For example:
- Upon waking 🌅, remove their nighttime diaper, encourage them to go to the bathroom, dress them, and take a walk in the park 🛝 or somewhere similar. This will help them associate waking up with going to the bathroom, getting dressed, having breakfast, and leaving the house.
- Upon returning from the park, while washing hands 👐, ask again if they feel like going to the bathroom (this can be equivalent to the time when boys and girls go out to the playground and pee).
- After eating 🍽️ and/or before nap time 💤, so that they can gradually get used to this new routine.
🗣️ Encourage them to let you know when they need to go to the bathroom
Encouraging him to say when he feels like peeing or pooping, even if he is still wearing a diaper, is an important first step.
If they are validated and listened to, they will gain confidence to identify and communicate their bodily sensations:
"I see your diaper is dirty. If you tell me before you pee or poop, we can go to the bathroom and do it there."
👕 Practice taking off and putting on clothes independently
One of the biggest difficulties when starting school is that there isn't always someone available to help them in time.
That's why it's important to practice with clothes that are easy to pull up and down (preferably without buttons or zippers) and encourage them to do it on their own to gradually gain agility.
At this stage, you can also choose respectful shoes that give them autonomy without compromising their natural development or generating frustration when putting on and taking off their shoes at school.
I remember my children learning so much about dressing and undressing with costumes 🎭. They loved them, so they were changing all day long.
📚 Use stories and games to prepare for school and bath time
Symbolic play and stories are great allies for anticipating situations.
We can tell stories about boys and girls who stop using diapers, who go to the bathroom at home and at school, and then continue playing.
This helps them to anticipate, normalize, and understand the process.
🧩 Steps to carry it out
There is no magic recipe, but there are some steps that can make the process easier:
- Wait until the child shows signs of readiness 🕵️♀️ (interest, staying in a dry diaper, discomfort when wet, etc.).
- Leave the diaper off during the day when you see that they are ready, and only at times when you are calm and without rushing 🕊️.
- Offer comfortable clothes that he can put on and take off without help, but also leave him without them for short periods, so that he can see what pee and poop look like, and we have the opportunity to encourage him to tell us next time.
- Don't scold or ridicule if there are accidents ❌😠, but accompany with empathy and normality 💕.
- Include the bathroom as part of the daily routine 🛁, without pressure, and leave their step stool, potty and diapers there, so that the bathroom gradually becomes the usual place to pee and poop.
- Promote open and positive communication 💬 about the body and its needs.
Image by Laura Estremera ❤️❤️
🎒 Why are we concerned about toilet training before school?
School expectations 🏫
Most schools in Spain require students to come without diapers because changing diapers is not one of the teachers' duties and, with more than 20 children, it is —I think we can all agree— a bit crazy.
However, it shouldn't be a mandatory requirement , as each child has a different pace.
The normal, logical and expected thing is that, in an educational center that must ensure to support students to achieve learning and milestones at their own pace, they are accompanied so that, if they have not yet achieved it, they can wear diapers.
Many schools make it possible and have support from TEIs (Higher Technicians in Early Childhood Education) .
Other schools do not have this support, but they talk to families to explain the situation ( "we would like to respect your children's pace, but we cannot due to a lack of staff" ), and thus have the support of parents who join the school's Parents' Association, paying a fee, to hire support staff, file complaints with the Provincial Department of Education or wherever necessary, and ultimately, seek and fight for decent solutions for the children .
So, as far as possible, it is advisable to talk to the educational center in advance, find out how they work, explain if necessary where your child is at and look for support and adaptations if needed.
Families' fears: accidents and adaptation 😟
One of the most frequent fears is that the child will have accidents at school, have a bad time, or feel embarrassed.
It is worth letting them know, both at home and at school, that wetting or soiling themselves is normal , that it is part of learning and that they should not see it as a failure; that they can rest easy, because nobody is going to get angry.
Why school shouldn't be a source of pressure ⛔
Starting school is an important moment, but it shouldn't turn into a race to quickly ditch the diapers.
Pressure usually causes more setbacks than progress.
In fact, some children begin to experience mild, moderate, or severe constipation problems (depending on the case), and this pressure is added to a very complex time when they have to separate from their family to live for months with children they don't know, teaching staff they don't trust, in a new place.
And all this, at only 2 or 3 years old, and often without a respectful adaptation period to facilitate the transition from home to school.
Therefore, ideally the little one should arrive feeling safe, not pressured .
With patience, confidence and emotional support ❤️, children's bowel and bladder control comes.
And if it doesn't arrive in time for school, it's okay : every respected process leaves a positive mark for life 🌟.
Armando Bastida - Pediatric Nurse
